Stellar Stagette

I've just had the bachelorette party to top all bachelorette parties, thanks to my beautiful, wonderful Maid-of-Honour of dreams.

I had no idea what was coming, either. I was simply told to bring:
"A cocktail dress, something to party hard in, a bathing suit, and overnight things."

So, at that point I was pretty bewildered, to say the least. I wasn't expecting anything so elaborate, I feel like I got five bachelorette parties in one! Here's how it started...

The Man picked me up from work as I tried to get information out of him, which he absolutely did not surrender. He drove me to some obscure gas station where I was picked up by my Maid-of-Honour and a friend. I threw my things in the back of their car and away we went! In the backseat I was handed a fuzzy pink crown that said "Princess" and told I could not take it off once the entire evening.

We pulled up at the Greenwood Inn and checked in. (A hotel! Omy!) We took the elevator up to the fourth floor and into room 443, a cute room with a mini fridge and the most comfortable blankets ever, despite their initial lumpy appearance. Twenty minutes later my two cousins showed up with their bags, ready to party. Then all of us girls got into our cocktail dresses (which all turned out to be black, by the way) and traded shoes until we'd all found the right combination. Then, we all put on bright pink sashes. Mine said "Bride-To-Be" on it, the rest said "Princess" but they turned them backward so you couldn't see, and instead stuck little gold stars to their sashes, and wrote assorted funny things of their choosing on them. Some of these things were: Laid of Honour, The Groom's Mistress, The Bride's Lover, etc. We also all got buttons that said "Bride-to-Be" and "Bridal Party Official Member" which was a lot of fun. The girls got to wear crowns too! But theirs were miniature, and were quite a lot of trouble to get to sit properly on their heads. But a few bobby pins later, we were all bachelorette-party royalty.

We headed downstairs for a fantastic dinner in the hotel restaurant, where we were served by someone who, unfortunately, was gender indistinct. Upon further inspection, we found out her name was Ruby, which is not a unisex name. I sipped at my bright pink cosmopolitan as my good friend from work showed up for the dinner. We had an excellent time chatting, and discussing funny marital woes. Then it was back up to the room for some games!

It turns out that while my MOH and a friend were up in the hotel room "getting something" they had actually been decorating, so when I got back to the room there was a big metallic silver banner over the door that said "BACHELORETTE PARTY!" I got into the room and was welcomed by another banner, and a very large poster of a naked man on the wall. Though, the important bits were covered by a red and white target. We then proceeded to drink Pina Coladas and, as stated on the poster, "Pin the Macho on the Man." Basically, someone would be blindfolded, and then reach into a bucket and pull out a, well, a significant part of the male anatomy. Each one of these, um, parts, was different. Had a different joke written on it, was camouflaged, looked like a Dr. Seuss design, etc. Then, that person would be spun around, and then would try to pin the part on the correct area of the male anatomy. We played three rounds, with one tie-breaker. I ended up winning YAY! The prize was that I got to pick one of the assorted game pieces to wear on my sash. I chose the smallest most inconspicuous one, naturally.

After the game was present time, and the entire party crew got together on one bed with the presents in the middle. All three presents turned out to be lingerie, and one of the stipulations of recieving these gifts was that I had to try them on and model them for the party. Needless to say there were a few pieces I was hesitant to wear in front of such a large group. But, pressured as I was, I did as they asked. (Now here's hoping those pictures don't end up on facebook...)

Next, we all got into our bathing suits and headed down to the hot tub, slightly spiked cokes in hand. We soaked for a little while, and chatted about how much our men loved our belly rolls, and how a woman is supposed to have a little mean on her, and before we knew it, we had to rush back to the room and get ready for the next big event.

We made it up, and changed into our "Going Out" attire, looking sexy as ever. We reapplied our makeup, and restraightened our hair. Retraded our shoes. Then we headed downstairs to our mode of transportation which turned out to be... *drumroll* a WHITE LIMO! I squealed in delight when I saw it, having never even set foot in a limousine before. When I got inside, I could not believe how amazing it was. Ultraviolet lights shone all around, with a lit-up mini bar and something that looked like a sparkling runway of lights across the cieling. We turned the music up loud as we cruised down the streets like celebrities. Then, we arrived at the next location.

We pull up at some completely obscure spot, on some unrecognizable street. We walk a little way until we get to a building with no obvious signs or purpose. We get inside and climb a few flights of stairs until we get to a level where there are asian posters everywhere, and this room full of video game and star wars memorobilia, where my MOH is now talking with an asian guy across a glass counter. She is asking for "The Red Room." I am absolutely and completely bewildered now. The man hands her a remote control with the most buttons I've ever seen and we walk down a hallway into this little adorable room. We get inside and there are asian posters all over the walls, with this gigantic screen on one side of the room, and this booth and table on the other side of the room. There are fancy star lights dancing all over in rainbow colours and then I see it. the big black machine in front of the screen with the microphones dangling from its sides. That's right, folks. Our very own KARAOKE ROOM! We eventually get the system going, after a few arguments with the asian employee over whether or not the lyrics are in another language (they are.) We finally get them displayed in english and it's go time! We sang our hearts out, screamed our hearts out, and danced the night away together. I've never laughed so hard in my life! It was such a blast! We were so loud, making up our own lyrics to songs, trying to imitate the dancers on the screen! One of the party guests apparently filmed a great deal of it. Which I never want to see. Ever.

After karaoke, we headed back down to the limo. The temperature outside wasnt actually that chilly, surprisingly. We cruised in the limo to a great club called "Stereo" and had VIP passes, so we cruised past the freezing cold line into the club, adorning our pink sashes and crowns. I got in and was immediately bought a drink. The club was a blast, I ran into some old high school friends, got hugged by at least 4 strangers in congratulations over my imminent marriage, and enjoyed the night scene. Flashing lights, blaring music, and just a lot of people having a great time. At a certain point I got fed up with my crown, and one of the girls said she would only wear it if I got up in the booty box.

Definition - Booty Box: a raised pedestal surrounded by railings in which one showcases their dance moves for all the dance floor to see.

Needless to say, I got up in the booty box. My entire party joined me and we rocked out. While we were up there the DJ said "Big shout out to Holly, she's acting like a real animal tonight. She's having her bachelorette party, congratulations on your upcoming marriage!" And we all cheered and raised our arms in the air. We danced until 2am, when the club had to close!

We took the limo back to the hotel and almost immediately crashed into bed.

In the morning we all begrudgingly got up and whiped the second-day-makeup from our eyes. After a few tylenols and a lot of water, we headed over to Perkins for some much needed breakfast. Mmm, french toast...

I feel so lucky to have such incredible friends. I only hope if they ever need me, I can far exceed their tremendous gifts they gave me last night! I guess now all that's left is to get married...

13 days folks!

The Bomb

The red wire or the blue wire?
Which cord shall cutters score?
The smallest fault would shake the bomb
Down to its very core.

Senses pause in heightened state,
And time seems slowly drawn.
So delicate in nature,
The bomb ticks steadily on.

At times, it seems so dormant,
Harmless and serene.
Other times you’d hold your breath
So to not stir the machine.

And when it blows, it annihilates,
Flattens and disintegrates.
Laying waste for miles around
To everything it hates.

So sensitive the bomb remains.
Would you risk a passing glance?
Knowing every second is
A deadly game of chance?

It is the worst of any kind,
If it were yours, you’d feel the same.
But one man’s burden be this bomb,
And “woman” be its name.