Buddha Thunk?

We had to prep the apartment for the future mother-in-law's arrival. Already, my stress level was through the roof, and to add to it all the place was a mess, and I was expected to make dinner for the three of us. And that dinner had to be incredible. Chicken curry was the decided dish, though I carelessly forgot to defrost the chicken. Rice, garlic-butter broccoli... sounds appetizing, no?

"We have to get the apartment ready for my mom," the man said, as though I didn't already know. I glanced around the apartment, realizing all the aspects wrong with the room. There was so much to do and so little time. Fortunately this woman is notoriously late.

Our first order of business was to reverse the comforters of the beds in the bedrooms. See, the man and I sort of agreed on a purity arrangement for our relationship, so we have separate bedrooms until we get married. I, being the more beautiful of the two, naturally get the bigger bedroom. And, since the man's furniture is much bigger than mine, it went into the bigger room. Thusly, I am sleeping in the king-size suite with the beautiful new dark wooden furniture, and the man is in the tiny room with the mattress and box spring. This is the natural of order of things, as it has always been.

But we had to switcheroo the comforters. I'm sure it is clear why.
So, now the man's bedroom is the big one, and my bedroom is the small one. For today...

The next step in prepping the apartment was to hide incrimitating articles. Gather the wine, hide it in the mini-fridge out of sight. Rearrange the words on the fridge to form happy-go-lucky poems instead of deep, dark ones. Wonderful.

Next, the items that would not be all-that-bad if it were any other woman.
My Buddhas.

I have two small ceramic Buddhas on my entertainment unit - now don't get me wrong! I have not converted, and do not intend to. In all honesty, I simply find him adorable! And he did say a few smart things, I suppose. He also adds to the sort of cultural flavour of my apartment decor. I have two, and both of them had to go.

Now, the lady is a religious sort of woman. Fire, and brimstone, and all that fun. To give an example, she's always been the sort that would jump to the wrong sorts of conclusions from items such as these, and even go so far as to claim they were bringing negative spirits into our home. She's also always been the sort of woman who would hear news, and then claim to have been told by the Lord only a week prior that this would come to pass. Quite a lady.

"Where should we hide these?" the man asked, holding up the chubby Buddha in the one hand, and the wise Buddha in the other. "I mean, I don't really know where to put them."

"Just put them in a drawer, or in a closet, or something. I don't really care, as long as they're out of sight. " I was far too busy with much more important things, like picking through the carpet on my hands and kness, because we still didn't have a vacuum cleaner...

"Maybe I should put it on the balcony?"
"Do you think that's far enough away that the Lord won't tell her that they're there?"

Buddhas taken care of. Check.
Now, for the finishing touches. Dust, wipe, spray...

The man was sitting in the living room playing some video game when I walked in with what I thought was an appropriate finishing touch. I was met with rolling eyes, and groans.

"Holly. Really, don't you think that's a little over-the-top?"
"I don't think so."

He slapped his forehead as I placed the open Bible on the coffee table.

I left for a moment and when I returned he had removed it. Hours later I would discover that he'd removed the open Bibles from our nightstands too. Even though I'd carefully opened the one in "his" room to the first page of "Matthew." I thought it was funny...

But that's men for ya.
Buddha thunk?