Two halves don't make a whole

I've been away for a while. One can't really blog while they're away, but I was certainly without question "away." It's a strange thing, being away. Stranger still when you don't know you've been, or that you need to return at any point. But I have. And I was.

A sort of overwhelming realization hit me a couple of weeks ago, that terrified me to my very core. I looked at my life, at my relationships, at how I spent my time, and I had absolutely no idea who I was. I sat down and talked to the man, and he said he knew what I meant. We realized we only spent time with our friends when we absolutely could not spend time with each other. I realized that I've stopped painting regularly, I've stopped writing short stories, I can't even get around the city on my own without his car, or his instruction with buses. AND if I were to have a car to get around in, I wouldn't even know how to put gas in it. I've been dependent, and it's so scary.

So we decided to take a break from being a couple. Not a break-up, and not one of those typical breaks that couples take. We were still pleasant with each other, just stopped hugging, kissing, OBSESSING over one another. We forced ourselves to spend time apart. And I don't know if we've ever done anything so intelligent in our entire lives.

Within the first few days, even, I found myself with a much greater sense of individuality and independence. In the first week, I took the bus completely by myself, made a new friend, went out to a karaoke bar and sang karaoke in front of a room full of strangers! I've signed up for a hip hop dance class, I've gotten a $150 parking ticket, I sketched! What a world!

And through it all, and all of our independence and time apart it struck me harder than ever how much I loved the man, and how he was without question the one God wanted for me. I've never really felt that all encompassing feeling before, that nod from above that says "Okay, it is now safe to proceed." God told me I'd made the right decision, and I've never been happier.

The man and I have reunited on a much healthier level, we can have comfortable conversations without fighting over how we made each other sad today, we can bring ourselves happiness without each other, I'm still going out and making new friends, and he's still making time for his friends, and going to school regularly, and investing in himself.

It's really as if before we were two halves, and when we came together we made a whole. Our ignorance led us to believe that this was a healthy way to be, that love means needing someone. We were absolutely and completely wrong! In our time apart we've learned what it means to be a whole person on your own, and by coming together we are so much greater than anything we've ever been. I adore myself! I love the adventures I've been going on, the risks I've been taking, that exercises that have been stretching me far beyond my comfort zone into a strange and exciting world.

Hello, we've never met before.
I'm Holly, and it's wonderful to meet you.